Breath.  In and Out.

Sometimes my whole entire self is tucked away into the roar of life.  I have a heart that will go for miles into the pain and mess.  It goes for miles into the good times too- into memories and moments created with people.

I love that about myself.  I can feel so incredibly deeply.

And yet sometimes this gift steals my breath away.

How do you crawl out of your shell like a bear awakening after hibernation?  

How do you find the will- the very steps in front of you to overcome?

I've been in an awakening.  Finding my feet.  Seeing that they can carry me to adventures again.  

I've been seeing the very importance of the cross in new and fresh light, believing again that love conquers all.  Because it does.  I've seen it over and over again.

I see it now.  Blazing.

Like the sun on the horizon coming up fresh.

The gift of love is fresh too.  New every morning.

I believed that last year.  I believed it with my will.  This year I believe it with my heart slow and steady with starts and stops.  I'm a little war weary.

But ready.


An awakening.  Slow and fresh.

I tell my heart, "Awaken love."

I whisper it quietly and then louder and louder.

Somehow this year I graduated with a social work degree and somehow I got a job where I can love people every day.  Now I'm in the process of leaning forwards and undoing all the tangled webs in my heart to love.  To really love.  With vulnerability and fresh longing in my heart to improve the quality of life for another person.

Oh how my knees shake at the thought of letting people in and caring enough about people to break in half.  And yet- any other option is such a waste.  I've always thought so.  Even in my darkest moments I've thought that.

I told my friend after heading back from hiking Tonquin Valley that I'd like work on staying an empathetic, compassionate social worker.  I want to work on being kind to those around me and loving my friends deeply.  I want to work on my relationship with God and see it grow.  That is the work of my heart for this year.

Chasing.  People chase so many empty, wasteful things.  I want to chase light.

I know this means taking down the walls I've fortified and peeling back layers of scars over my heart.

Awaken Love.  The kind of love that heals.  The kind of love that has compassion flowing from my hands and into the hearts of the broken and weary.  For what other option would be worth living a life on earth for?

I see faces.  There's a lot of broken hearts around me.

I love those broken hearts.  I do believe that's what I was born for.

That they might be loved.  That they might know better the one who created love and life and all the moves and breaths.

<3