The last week has been a mix of good and bad- bitter and sweet. That's probably an accurate reflection of a lot of life for a lot of us. I'm here to remind you that is normal. I'm here to remind you to keep battling through.
Sometimes not all our hopes pan out and thats okay.
One day I'm going to be one of those old ladies with an old weathered face with stories at my fingertips; stories of great tragedy and stories of great triumph. My greatest hope is that I have stories of beauty to tell.
Maybe the stories can be simple- about people I've met who've inspired me.
Maybe they can be stories of what God has stretched me to do and I've wildly submitted to while shaking in my boots.
Maybe the stories will be the very best with lights out and flashlights and images of martyrs and their shields of faith in far of lands with the bible stretched open before my fingertips and a smile of delight on my face- knowing I've fought the good fight and still believe in the treasures of this book.
If I'm so lucky as this, I am lucky indeed.
I can't decide the future. I can only decide how to live now.
As I typed the words for the title of this blog, I wondered if the more appropriate heading would be, 'Break a Lot, Love a Lot.' Either way the concept is about the same.
There are deserts of days, months, and sometimes years. They tear into our hearts and often our minds.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," many songs blast out. I like this saying in a cliche, chic way. I like the idea of being refined by fire. I like the idea of "no pain, no gain."
However, whenever I'm going through one of those 'whatever doesn't kill me," stages, I sure feel just about spent.
A new year! I am happy for the retirement of the old one and the entrance into a new time in my life. January, already, has been marked by change. Change is good.
The bipolar weather in Edmonton (it was 0 degrees Sunday and is currently -17) sweeps across our bones causing us to hurry to our cars to turn the heat on full and fast. I'm consistently wrapped with a blanket around me at home and being berated by my sister to put on more layers because I'm constantly cold.
However, the winter weather doesn't seem to bug me as much as it did immediately after coming home from South Africa 11 years ago. Though there are no physical flowers to gaze on, I know the flowers are here.
Perspective.
Through every year, no matter how hard, the goodness is here. Even in winter.
Sometimes I have to sleuth so hard to find it and other times it's blatant, vibrant, and up-front.
There are flowers here if only we seek them. Flowers in friends. Flowers in truth. Flowers in day to day life.
Though my life is simple and plain as of late, there are good things in my life and I am happy to share them. They are small, but they are the little buds of hope and goodness that keep my life going.
If Ann Voskamp were here she would call them "gifts."
Here are the things that have brightened my day and lead me to see goodness in the world:
1. Gatherings of truth seeking people- I meet with a small group every Thursday and this routine in my life is uplifting and warms my heart. I love people gathered in one spot with purpose. I love the chatter and laughter, the lightness of catching up, familiar faces, and breaking open a book to read truth together.
2. In my practicum, I work with newcomers to Canada. It's a blessing to truly connect and love accross cultures. Often I am struck by how privileged I am to see and know a part of their world and to be invited into that. I go home and am beaming on the inside because of the joy of knowing these people!
I noticed the way her eyes changed. That when she was loved, she took note. She stood up straighter. She smiled more.
She transformed.
And I was such a broken version of love to her, my friend.
Their eyes- they were tired and broken inside when they didn't think they were loved. And I thought, If only I could love deeper and longer, harder and better.
But when I dug to the bottom of my heart I found that I didn't have all that much to give.
This blog was born out of a time in my life where I was struggling and life was hard. At the time, I didn't see how flowers could bloom in the garden of my soul. It was dark in there, but I clung to God's truth that he is good and that "suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character, hope." I believed that in time, Flowers will Bloom.
