As I typed the words for the title of this blog, I wondered if the more appropriate heading would be, 'Break a Lot, Love a Lot.'  Either way the concept is about the same.

There are deserts of days, months, and sometimes years.

They tear into our hearts and often our minds.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," many songs blast out.  I like this saying in a cliche, chic way.  I like the idea of being refined by fire.  I like the idea of "no pain, no gain."

However, whenever I'm going through one of those 'whatever doesn't kill me," stages, I sure feel just about spent.


A few years ago I went through this really trying time and it taught me a lot.

But man, some days I almost lost that deep, hopeful feeling.  Some days I felt dead on the inside.  Some days I didn't want to go forwards.

Still, I did.

I'm kind of stubborn.  When I dig my feet in, I really dig my feet in.  And sometimes when life sucks, I really dig my feet in.

Often I give myself a pep talk and it goes something like this:  No matter how hard this is, the most important thing is loving.  No matter how much this hurts, don't let it make you bitter.  No matter how confused you are, don't stop trying to get to the bottom of this.  No matter how petty, jealous, or plain unnice you feel, be nice.  No matter how this person has wronged you, pray for them.

I could say a lot about going through hard seasons.  I could talk about depression and about hopelessness.  I could talk about crying for nights on end.

I could.

But today I want to talk about the way through and after and how hard times can make us better at loving if we let them.  

I'm not a psychologist, although I just about have a degree in social work.  However, my words here are from life experience so take them as such.  I'm not going to cite articles or bring in fancy words.

This is just you and me face to face...errr word to word.

This is real.

I believe that when we go through dark patches (and I'm talking the type of stuff that gives you nightmares and leaves your whole body tense) we need to find the will to live well.

I often tell people that in their dark seasons they should be careful not to make unwise decisions.  Often these are the teens I'm mentoring and I feel like giving them a little shake along with the advice.  Because eventually the darkness will break and they will see the way forwards and regret the rash, quick decision made in hurt.

Still, even through the worst decisions made, there is a way forwards.  A beautiful way.

We've got decisions to make about our pain.  

Sometimes the pain is going to last for a month- sometimes for years.  There's a decision here.

What am I going to do about this?

I believe that people like Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King made these types of intentional decisions about their pain and because of it- they rose and made something beautiful out of what was broken.

I think that when we break, it gives us the opportunity to love more, not less.  Through my pain, I grow empathy and compassion.  Through my dark seasons, I've grown self-control in deciding to love and choosing forgiveness rather than hate.  Through breaking, I learned to love more.

There's something lovely about that calm after the storm.  The feelings subside, the wind grows calm, and the fog settles and we are left with a clear view of everything that's gone on.

Often I look back and I'm star struck.

I've learned so much.  I've grown so much.  I can love deeper and lead better.  I see how God can use THIS- whatever this it is- for good.  

I know no one wants to go through hard times that break them.  We'd rather be happy.  However, life happens to us all.  Hard times come.

It's what we do through these hard times that makes or breaks us.

If I break a little, I want to love a lot.  If I break a lot, I want to love a lot.

In all seasons, love.

Flowers in my hair this Week:  Having the privilege to learn and grow at a University blows my socks off.  I'm so glad I can have the opportunity to be educated!